I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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