dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
