you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
