where am i from again
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
