hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
