Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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