Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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