Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
