I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
