I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
