I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
