dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
