wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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