I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
