what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize