addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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