Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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