32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
