There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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