Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
