he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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