Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
