On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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