You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
