So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
