oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
