somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
