i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
