Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
