My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
