I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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