im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
