If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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