I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm passing your future prison.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
