Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he thought i was a dude.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize