We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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