In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
