Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize