I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
