he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
