People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
