hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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