so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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