So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is my gift to your gina
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
