just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
