it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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