Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
