I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
