How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
