we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
