I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
