Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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