We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
