so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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