the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
