fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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