I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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