True but thats because hes a fetus.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
