you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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