Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
