sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
