you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
