I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
