Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
