Don't you send me to vm
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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