She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
