hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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