I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
