yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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