I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want her autograph on my taint
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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