People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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