ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
