shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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